How to best blag a sickie.......

benx1farwagi · Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2009 9:14 pm Post subject: How to best blag a sickie.......

Ok, well there are two techniques in my experience, the long blag or the short blag.

Whichever you choose to do there are three golden rules to follow for both.....
- never become the "surfer" in the office. If you are already know as the one that surfs, start shutting your mouth more and continue to play it down while you stay in this job. For the next job, start afresh! Remember no one ever believes a surfer is ill, and will always assume they are blaging it.
- always use good sunscreen, my favourite is Hawaiian Tropic sport / water, factor 45, although there are some seriously good Ozzy products we can't get over here. Clearly the most obvious reason for this is to not get a suntan and therefore get busted, but the lovely by-product is you will also avoid getting cancer!
- NEVER EVER confide in a work colleague, they are not to be trusted - simple as that! Evil or Very Mad

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The Long Blag
Every weekend you go away surfing, substitute your surfing adventures for one of the following blags on the theme below.......
- Weekend 1, Boss / Colleague "how was your weekend?", Your reply "Was ok, helped my Aunt move house"
- Weekend 2, Boss / Colleague "how was your weekend?", Your reply "I was dog sitting for my Aunt"
- Weekend 3, Boss / Colleague "how was your weekend?", Your reply "My Aunt has gone abroad and I had to house-sit"
The Reasoning:
- you get a reputation of being a nice guy!
- no one can criticize your kindness!
- over time, if you are seen to have really boring weekends, no one will ever believe you actually do anything interesting!
- people will stop asking what you did at the weekend - because you are so boring = ideal!!!
- if you need a Monday or Friday, or general weekday off for a surf primo day, your Aunt got ill, hospital, blah, blah, blah = result of all your hard work will be that you are totally believed = sick waves here you go!!! Wink

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The Short Blag
You want to take Thursday and Friday off......
- Tuesday you mention to two or three work colleagues you don't feel 100% / very well.
- Wednesday try to get in early, you say you feel ill and didn't sleep well. It will be noticed on a subconscious level by your Boss / Colleagues that you have made an effort getting in. By the afternoon you feel really unwell and ask if you can head off early 4:00-5:30pm. They won't want you around coughing / with a fever either as you might pollute them too - the fear factor is great!
- Thursday, you ring in sick, saying you have been vomiting
- Friday, you ring in ill.
- Now the "key" to this is Monday when you are back in work.....Boss / Colleague "how was your weekend?", Your Reply "bad I was ill all weekend, typical just got well for Monday".
The Reasoning:
- no one will disbelieve you "as long" as you were ill over the weekend. Is a subconscious thing, we all make the most of our weekends when in a full-time role. So no one ever says they were ill over the weekend = 4 days of surfing for you!!! Wink

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Both of these have been tried and tested over time, and work perfectly.

The author claims full credit and copyright for all of the above! Cool

-Ben